Weddings always leave me in a state of awe. I love every aspect of it, I love how two souls can become one in perfect union ... to love and cherish, to hold each other fast through the thick and the thin, to be committed to a covenant of faithfulness to each other until the dying end. When I saw Matt & AJ take their vows last Friday, I was overwhelmed with the beauty of it all ... it was just too perfect. Two people who are in passionate love relationships with God coming together in marriage, it really does leave me speechless.
When I gaze on the beauty of this occasion, there lies an inner conflict of hope and shame. On the one hand, I long for the beauty of this moment for myself, but at the same time, I feel completely unworthy of such a thing. Lately I have felt the same way about my relationship with God as well, whenever I take time to reflect on the depth of love and the breadth of grace that He has shown me and continues to show me, I feel inadequate and scared. I look deep within my heart and all I could see is utter darkness. It's starting to make sense why Moses hid his face from the Lord in Exodus 3, when he was afraid to look at the Holy God. Or when Isaiah exclaimed, "Woe is me, for I am ruined ... for my eyes have seen the King, the Lord of hosts" in Isaiah 6. And even David felt the same in Psalm 139, "... such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is too high, I cannot attain to it. Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence?"
So as I sat there during the ceremony, silently screaming because of the conflict within, I wonder if my turn will ever come ... when all things fall into place. Perhaps it never will, for what am I but a wretched undeserving sinner?
... then I remembered this thing called grace ...
When I gaze on the beauty of this occasion, there lies an inner conflict of hope and shame. On the one hand, I long for the beauty of this moment for myself, but at the same time, I feel completely unworthy of such a thing. Lately I have felt the same way about my relationship with God as well, whenever I take time to reflect on the depth of love and the breadth of grace that He has shown me and continues to show me, I feel inadequate and scared. I look deep within my heart and all I could see is utter darkness. It's starting to make sense why Moses hid his face from the Lord in Exodus 3, when he was afraid to look at the Holy God. Or when Isaiah exclaimed, "Woe is me, for I am ruined ... for my eyes have seen the King, the Lord of hosts" in Isaiah 6. And even David felt the same in Psalm 139, "... such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is too high, I cannot attain to it. Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence?"
So as I sat there during the ceremony, silently screaming because of the conflict within, I wonder if my turn will ever come ... when all things fall into place. Perhaps it never will, for what am I but a wretched undeserving sinner?
... then I remembered this thing called grace ...
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