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I AM COMPUTER ILLITERATE!


*** WARNING! THE FOLLOWING POST IS WRITTEN OUT OF FRUSTRATION, PLEASE EXTEND ME SOME GRACE IF YOU FEEL OFFENDED***

[breathe in] [breathe out] umm .... I feel so much better now, but there is still a bit of angst buried deep within.

It all started with a kind gesture, offering to help my parent's friend fix a small problem with his computer. Little did I know, that was the end of my peaceful life at home. Before long, every Asian parent in the fifty mile radius is inviting my family over to their house for dinner. Interestingly, they all want to know the times I am available, and stress that that it would be "an honor" if I would grace them with my presence.
Oh yea by the way, maybe I can help them with just a tiny computer issue right after dinner.

So for the past few weeks, I have been going from house to house, trying to play the part of the "good son" so my parents can save face with their friends. Even though my parents never force me to go to these engagements, there is always the lingering unspoken pressure. There never seems to be anyone competent enough to fix someone's computer, and I am the only one smart enough to know what is wrong.

For your amusement, I have used my Einstein-like intelligence to fix problems such as:
1) "I can't send email overseas, something is wrong" you never had an account with yahoo
2) "My son says he sends me emails from Hong Kong, but I cannot receive them" you have to type the correct password into that box to get emails
3) "Can you come help me setup my dsl?"
(try #1) it says that your service-ready date is in 3 weeks, no wonder I can't finish installing today
(try #2 - a week later) you got an email saying that it's ready today? great ... but why is it that after I spent thirty minutes fiddling around, I call verizon and find out that the service ready date is in 2 weeks?

This is the one that pushed me over the edge:
mr. X: I keep getting these popups when I start my computer
me: Ok, how did this start happening?
mr. X: Oh ... I was surfing this porn site and signed up for this 3 day trial, and then after 3 days these popups keep on telling me that I have pay money
me: ... ... ...
mr. X: Here's my id, can you go into this website and try to unsubscribe me?
me: (WHAT?!?! YOU WANT ME TO GO TO A PORN SITE TO FIND OUT WHAT STUPID SOFTWARE YOU DOWNLOADED YOUR COMPUTER SO I CAN FIGURE OUT HOW TO UNINSTALL THIS PORNO PROGRAM FROM POPPING UP WHEN YOUR COMPUTER BOOTS?) ... ... ...
mr . X: your parents are so lucky to have such a good son

From now on if anyone asks, please kindly tell them I am computer illiterate. And thus
cannot and will not fix your computer. And by the way, I already submitted my application to not be a good son anymore.

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  • Anonymous h3nr0 says so:
    9:54 PM  

    have fun it's cold out side top

  • Anonymous h3nr0 says so:
    10:01 PM  

    i actaully miss fixing computers. it was fun teaching steph how to put her processor and mobo in. top

  • Anonymous Rob says so:
    1:23 AM  

    I use the excuse "Oh yeah, I work at a computer company, but I'm really bad at _______" (fill in the blank). Usually that's filled with hardware, networking, and the Internet. You should tell them you aren't too experienced with porn (whether it's true or not).

    Sounds like you got a little dilemma man--time to move to Seattle to get away =) top

  • Blogger Ken says so:
    5:01 AM  

    I actually left my house at 10pm to go fix mr.X's computer and got done at 11:20pm! By that time, my head was pretty much about to blow but the computer is back to normal now.

    Luckily, I didn't have to do anything that would put me in a compromising situation, so that's good. And now ... I will retire as the computer guru and go into exile to the grey heavens.

    Oh that reminds me, there's still this dsl setup I have to do next week *sigh* top

  • Blogger Matt Mikalatos says so:
    3:55 PM  

    You know, it seems to me that once you have a wife your mom and dad will expect you to stay home and make babies... just a thought. top

  • Blogger Ken says so:
    8:47 AM  

    Correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems to me that making babies could be infinitely more fun than fixing strangers' computers. top

  • Blogger Matt Mikalatos says so:
    12:07 AM  

    Yup, yup, it is. My point exactly.

    You will probably talk about this at your sunday school class. top

  • Anonymous Anonymous says so:
    7:06 AM  

    computers =) top