Skip to main content

I AM COMPUTER ILLITERATE!


*** WARNING! THE FOLLOWING POST IS WRITTEN OUT OF FRUSTRATION, PLEASE EXTEND ME SOME GRACE IF YOU FEEL OFFENDED***

[breathe in] [breathe out] umm .... I feel so much better now, but there is still a bit of angst buried deep within.

It all started with a kind gesture, offering to help my parent's friend fix a small problem with his computer. Little did I know, that was the end of my peaceful life at home. Before long, every Asian parent in the fifty mile radius is inviting my family over to their house for dinner. Interestingly, they all want to know the times I am available, and stress that that it would be "an honor" if I would grace them with my presence. Oh yea by the way, maybe I can help them with just a tiny computer issue right after dinner.

So for the past few weeks, I have been going from house to house, trying to play the part of the "good son" so my parents can save face with their friends. Even though my parents never force me to go to these engagements, there is always the lingering unspoken pressure. There never seems to be anyone competent enough to fix someone's computer, and I am the only one smart enough to know what is wrong.

For your amusement, I have used my Einstein-like intelligence to fix problems such as:
1) "I can't send email overseas, something is wrong" you never had an account with yahoo
2) "My son says he sends me emails from Hong Kong, but I cannot receive them" you have to type the correct password into that box to get emails
3) "Can you come help me setup my dsl?"
(try #1) it says that your service-ready date is in 3 weeks, no wonder I can't finish installing today
(try #2 - a week later) you got an email saying that it's ready today? great ... but why is it that after I spent thirty minutes fiddling around, I call verizon and find out that the service ready date is in 2 weeks?

This is the one that pushed me over the edge:
mr. X: I keep getting these popups when I start my computer
me: Ok, how did this start happening?
mr. X: Oh ... I was surfing this porn site and signed up for this 3 day trial, and then after 3 days these popups keep on telling me that I have pay money
me: ... ... ...
mr. X: Here's my id, can you go into this website and try to unsubscribe me?
me: (WHAT?!?! YOU WANT ME TO GO TO A PORN SITE TO FIND OUT WHAT STUPID SOFTWARE YOU DOWNLOADED YOUR COMPUTER SO I CAN FIGURE OUT HOW TO UNINSTALL THIS PORNO PROGRAM FROM POPPING UP WHEN YOUR COMPUTER BOOTS?) ... ... ...
mr . X: your parents are so lucky to have such a good son

From now on if anyone asks, please kindly tell them I am computer illiterate. And thus cannot and will not fix your computer. And by the way, I already submitted my application to not be a good son anymore.

Comments

Anonymous said…
have fun it's cold out side
9:54 PM
Anonymous said…
i actaully miss fixing computers. it was fun teaching steph how to put her processor and mobo in.
10:01 PM
Anonymous said…
I use the excuse "Oh yeah, I work at a computer company, but I'm really bad at _______" (fill in the blank). Usually that's filled with hardware, networking, and the Internet. You should tell them you aren't too experienced with porn (whether it's true or not).

Sounds like you got a little dilemma man--time to move to Seattle to get away =)
1:23 AM
Ken said…
I actually left my house at 10pm to go fix mr.X's computer and got done at 11:20pm! By that time, my head was pretty much about to blow but the computer is back to normal now.

Luckily, I didn't have to do anything that would put me in a compromising situation, so that's good. And now ... I will retire as the computer guru and go into exile to the grey heavens.

Oh that reminds me, there's still this dsl setup I have to do next week *sigh*
5:01 AM
Matt Mikalatos said…
You know, it seems to me that once you have a wife your mom and dad will expect you to stay home and make babies... just a thought.
3:55 PM
Ken said…
Correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems to me that making babies could be infinitely more fun than fixing strangers' computers.
8:47 AM
Matt Mikalatos said…
Yup, yup, it is. My point exactly.

You will probably talk about this at your sunday school class.
12:07 AM
Anonymous said…
computers =)
7:06 AM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Why I love Kroger

Hello friends. It has been four long months since my last post, so if you are reading this, that means you are a true friend. My favorite neighborhood grocery store was having a sale on blueberries today. They were selling a 6 oz box for $1 (as opposed to $4.99) for "plus members", so wanted to picked up 6 boxes of it. During checkout, I tried to input my "plus card" info using my phone number but couldn't get it to work, . So I called the cashier over to help me. "Hi. For some reason my plus card isn't working. I put my phone number in and it does't recognize it but it worked last night." "Enter your phone number in again" (slightly annoyed) "I tried it 4 times already" "Sir, the reason it doesn't work is because you are typing in the wrong area code. You pressed 732 instead of 734" "... ... ... my area code is 732" "oh ... then I can't help you, sorry" Not only did she assume tha...
5 comments
Read more

Tim Keller is my Hero!

I happen to LOVE Tim Keller. Here's an article about him on NYTimes several weeks ago. When I was in East Asia, Keller would preach to us almost every Sunday through my trusty MP3 player. I listened to him for two years before I finally saw him face to face when I visited Redeemer last July. I can still remember how I couldn't focus on the message that first Sunday because he looked so much different than how I pictured him in my head for two years. Preaching the Word and Quoting the Voice By Michael Luo , Published: February 26, 2006 In the twilight of the biggest snowstorm in New York City's history, the pews of a rented Baptist church on the Upper West Side of Manhattan were packed for the Rev. Timothy J. Keller's fourth sermon of the day. About 4,400 people attend the church; many joined after the Sept. 11 attacks. The 600 or so who braved the snow for the evening service got what they had come to expect — a compelling discourse by Dr. Keller, this time on Jesu...
2 comments
Read more

Christianity Lite

Several people have told me that I sound angry or bitter in my last post. My response to that is: I'M NOT ANGRY OR BITTER ... haha. Now that's settled, let's risk sounding critical and judgmental with the following post. One of the fears I have for the modern church is that in order to penetrate into the mainstream, the chuch is diluting its message and portraying an unbalanced view of the Gospel. In our strive to change the common stereotype that Christians are intolerant and conservative, churches becoming more and more vague about its beliefs and tenants. Please don't misunderstand, I am all for being more culturally relevant and reaching out to the masses, but not at the cost of compromising our values. Yes, Jesus reached out to the outcasts and "sinners," and we should do the same by displaying love rather than condemnation. But even when Jesus saved the adulterous woman from being stoned in John 8, He said to her after the crowd left, " Neithe...
3 comments
Read more