The Culture of Fear

It's common knowledge that Americans live in a culture of fear perpetuated by the our media. Studies have found that even though the over all crime rate across the country is decreasing, citizens of this free land are growing more and more fearful for their safety. News broardcasts spend more time covering robberies, kidnapping, murders, and other violent crime than ever before, conditioning us to think that we live in a more dangerous world than it actually is.

Since we humans are such versatile creatures, we have come up with ways to defend ourselves from danger. The most ingenious invention has got to be this bedside table. I mean ... who wouldn't want to have a shield and club to defend yourself against a robber? You know you want one too!

P.S. - I have a bat under my bed just in case I have to defend myself from those evil trolls, goblins, and various other monsters that come to attack me during the night.

Comments

Anonymous said…

that's going to stink if it turns out to be a guy with a gun.

6:43 PM

Anonymous said…

Sooo...what happens when the goblins actually come from under your bed. Fat lotta good the bat does you then, eh?

9:11 PM

Matt Mikalatos said…

I have this tradition of not having any weapons in the house (including sporting goods). So when there's a bump in the night I go awandering in my skivvies to see what might be out there. I don't know what would happen if we actually had a thief. Maybe he would feel bad for me and back quietly out the front door.

4:54 PM

Fun with Blueberries

I LOVE blueberries! Last night a bunch of us went to my friend Dale's house to pick blueberries in her huge garden. It was so much fun. Other than the fact that it was harsh manual labor that requires you to bend or kneel down and sacrifice your tender flesh to vicious insects, we had a blast. There's really nothing like eating luscious blueberries off the tree, plucking out the biggest berries and stuffing them in your tummy, and of course - blueberry fighting! Needless to say, I ate a lot of blueberries yesterday. *** warning - don't read beyond this point if you're faint of heart *** Despite a pretty weird dream, I was still in blueberry heaven when I woke up this morning. I even brought a whole quart of them to the office and finished them before lunch time. So ... *ahem* ... a surprise came when I went to the bathroom later this morning. After I finished doing my business, I looked and saw GREEN POOP . So here's a word of warning for you, if you eat too ...

I AM COMPUTER ILLITERATE!

*** WARNING! THE FOLLOWING POST IS WRITTEN OUT OF FRUSTRATION, PLEASE EXTEND ME SOME GRACE IF YOU FEEL OFFENDED*** [breathe in] [breathe out] umm .... I feel so much better now, but there is still a bit of angst buried deep within. It all started with a kind gesture, offering to help my parent's friend fix a small problem with his computer. Little did I know, that was the end of my peaceful life at home. Before long, every Asian parent in the fifty mile radius is inviting my family over to their house for dinner. Interestingly, they all want to know the times I am available, and stress that that it would be "an honor" if I would grace them with my presence. Oh yea by the way, maybe I can help them with just a tiny computer issue right after dinner. So for the past few weeks, I have been going from house to house, trying to play the part of the "good son" so my parents can save face with their friends. Even though my parents never force me to go to these e...

She-Bear Alert!

Last Wednesday night as I was walking home, I was attacked by a pack of she-bears! I never knew Ann Arbor was a town with a bear infestation, but after that night, I will never walk home alone again. The she-bears were apparently lead by a strange bald man walking around with a staff in hand, I tried to chase after him after the attack, but he proved to be more fleet footed than he looked. Anyhow, even though I escaped with my life, I did suffer some battle scars. Here's the first one: To the untrained eye, this might look like a second-degree burn, like one would get if he didn't use an oven mitt when taking a pizza out of the oven. But I assure you that this is no stupid accident, it was a vicious claw mark from a she-bear! The wound evolved in the days ahead and is looking quite manly of late. Darn you bears!

The Constant Wanderer

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